Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program
TV's prominent hosts used the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.
Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take
Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday song targeting the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he handles."
Colbert's target was the controversial program which enables international individuals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of a million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. The program's website guarantees processing "faster than ever."
"A brief thought for you to affluent immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.
"The best background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants completely qualify to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"It's a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."
"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Concerns
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll numbers during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.
"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.
